Prehistoric Sex Toy Found in Ice

Saskatchewan, CA -17 Feb. 2009- Staff. According to a new discovery in the arctic province of Canada, cavemen may have been a great deal more amorous that previous research suggests.  While excavating a site in the northern region of Saskatchewan, archaeologists unearthed a nearly complete settlement which included a wooden phallus more than 10,000 years old.  The object, discovered by Dr. Buckley Tonson of the University of Toronto, could be among the very first devices created by man for self pleasure. 

Among the usual stone tools and artifacts,  researchers were stunned to find the piece, which was preserved in remarkable condition under more than 20 feet of ice. Carved from a solid block of pine, the toy is roughly ten inches long, with a diameter of more than two inches and many decorative glyphs and drawings.

“What’s amazing here is not just the function of the tool, which is fascinating in and of itself, but to see such elaborate details and aesthetic sensitivity is truly unprecedented,” marveled Dr. Tonson. “These people lived in an extremely harsh environment and prized utility and efficiency above all else.  Ornamentation was rare, and to see this intense focus on decoration allows us to infer that this object was very prized and important.”

The drawings along the entire length of the object depict a variety of scenes from daily life, including a man slaughtering an antelope and a woman using a large bone needle to repair clothing.  All scenes are embellished with deeply textured, abstract patterns and appear to have been carefully planned and executed over a long period of time, said Dr. Tonson.

The object was recovered as part a two year long excavation of the site, which continues to yield important clues about prehistoric peoples in North America.  “Many parts of these peoples’ lives remain shrouded in mystery, and we’ll need a great deal more work to answer all of our questions,” emphasized Dr. Tonson. “This work is critically important to shine a light on the history of the human race.”