Tag Archives: strange

Man to Ride “Christ Cycle” around World

Panama City, PA -19 Feb. 2009- Staff. Manuel Goya wasn’t a pious man until 10 months ago, on Easter Sunday, when he awoke to find that his unicycle was emblazoned with the face of Jesus Christ.  After leaving the bike out all night in the rain, however, a strange pattern appeared on the head tube badge, warping the logo into the image of the face of the Christian Savior.  

As a result, Mr. Goya now dedicates his life to serving  God.  “From that moment, my life changed,” says Goya. “I was an evil man, and God sent me this sign to give me a mission of peace and hope.”  


Mr. Goya, after much soul searching, has now decided that he will ride the unicycle chosen by God all the way around the world to solicit funds for constructing a cathedral on the site of the miraculaous image.  “This journey will inspire others as God has touched my life.  For my salvation and the continuing salvation of the human race, I will ride the unicycle God has ordained and erect a monument to his Glory.”

If he secures enough initial funding, Goya’s unicycle route would take him up through the U.S., across the Atlantic and then through Europe and Asia, before crossing the Pacific and returning home an d beginning work on the cathedral.  Along the way, Goya hopes to solicit monetary donations from penitent congregations all over the world.

Despite being a wildly popular initiative in his home village, Goya’s globe trotting quest has drawn the ire of local church officials.  Father Federico Hermano, leader of the village parish was particularly doubtful.  “The glory of God is in the charitable acts of the Church, not some half brained, mock Richard Branson stunt,” he said.  

Still, Goya is nearly halfway to his fundraising goal and remains optimistic.  “God has set this unicycle aside for great things, and I will do his will wihout hesitation,” said Goya.


Zoo Staff Addicts Animals to Nicotine

Manila, ID -14 Feb. 2009- Staff.  Indonesian Federal Police who raided  a private zoo on charges related to animal neglect and abuse this week revealed a surprising new wrinkle in the case.  In addition to unusually small cages and meager rations, zoo keepers had addicted many animals to nicotine to make them easier to control.

When police arrived on the scene to serve a search warrant to investigate visitor reports of substandard conditions, they weren’t immediately shocked to find that the grounds were littered with thousands of discarded cigarettes.

When a small group of officers took a break to light up, however, they were caught off guard by a small herd of antelope who jumped over their containment fence to eat the cigarettes right out of the officers’ mouths.  As they made their way through the compound, they found that nearly all animals, even the fish in the ponds, would approach them eagerly for a piece of tobacco.

Zoo workers, when questioned, explained that they had mixed tobacco into all the feed in order to have an “insurance policy” against unruly animals.  They cited several cases where they had neutralized antelope stampedes and other would be escapes by mollifying the beasts with cigarettes, cigars and chewing tobacco.

Similarly, animals who did manage to escape would wander back to the zoo after a matter of hours to seek more nicotine.  All zoo workers were arrested on animal abuse charges and are awaiting trial.  Animals at the facility were relocated or released, but it’s unclear how their long exposure to tobacco affected them.

Man Hacks Computer with Pen

Sydney, Au. -12 Feb. 2009- Staff.  A hacker out to impress his colleagues set a new standard in the emerging tech “sport” of “offline” hacking.  Not satisfied like most hackers with stealing secure government data, manipulating live television or taking down websites with a million strong botnet, Hector Morgan, 32, has perfected a method of manipulating computer networks with nothing more than an ordinary plastic pen.

There’s only one rub: it’s a secret which he refuses to teach others.

“I’ll never tell.  You’d have to duct tape my XBox to my mother and hold her hostage, and even then, I’d hold out as long as I could,” asserted Morgan, speaking from his home.  While details were sparse, he did offer a video demonstration, which he provided through a secure website.

In the grainy, homemade footage, Morgan has three different computers, his own and two others operated by masked accomplices.  “You need to grok the hacker community; anonymity is sometimes the most important tool,” Morgan explained, when asked about the masks.  


Once his two shrouded assistants have logged into their machines, Hector then moves to the center of the room, where a series of cables are interconnected.  Viewed at distance, Morgan appears to cut a larger cable and insert a pen.  He then uses his finger to tap the end of the pen for several minutes, while a caption scrolls, “Binary by HAND, BIOTHES [sic] !”   across the botom of the screen.  

Morgan then returns to his own computer and is able to send commands to the each of the others.  Close up shots of the hacked terminals show the same “Hexomizer rules the universe, your ass and your mom”  which Morgan’s computer displays initially.  

“Yeah, you probably shouldn’t print that fucking shit,” Morgan chuckled. “Next thing you know I get hate mail from all those bitches.”

Morgan is a freshman computer science student at the University of Sydney.  US faculty did not repsond to repeated requests for comment, but Seth Norton, a senior consultant at Enviro Network Security Solutions based in Perth, cast strong doubts on the demonstration.

“Binary is a complex code that is specific to each program and the environment in which it runs.  To even conceive of an act like the one you describe would take several thousand lines of commands.  Even if you could get the code itself correct, binary isn’t like morse code; it isn’t possible to produce physcially.”

Given the video evidence, however, it seems there is a possibility that the pen is mightier than the computer, among other things.